צעיר משוויץ במכונית הספורט החדשה שלו לחברתו ולוקח אותה לסיבוב מחוץ לעיר. חברתו נדלקת מהמהירות. "אם אני מגיע ל-200 קמ"ש, את מורידה את הבגדים שלך?" הוא שאל. "כן!" ענתה חברתו ההרפתקנית. הצעיר לוחץ על הדוושה והמחוג מראה 200. הבחורה מסירה את כל בגדיה. הבחור לא מצליח להתרכז בכביש והמכונית מחליקה על השוליים ומתהפכת. הבחורה העירומה […]
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I (42M) feel like my girlfriend (42F) isn’t respecting a boundary involving a guy who previously tried to date her. Am I overreacting? My girlfriend (42F) and I (42M) have been together for a while, and I’d like some outside perspectives because I’m trying to determine whether my expectations are reasonable. She and this guy went to film school together in Hollywood. At one point he tried to date her, but according to her she wasn’t interested. She’s also told me she thinks he’s a misogynist, yet they’ve remained friends. Before all of this happened, she used to mention him fairly often in conversation. After we argued about it in January, I told her I didn’t want to keep hearing about him because it had become a sore subject. Since then, she hasn’t really brought him up anymore. My issue isn’t that she has a male friend. I have female friends myself, and I believe men and women can absolutely be friends. My concern is the circumstances. He still calls her “hun” and “honey” in messages despite knowing she’s in a committed relationship and despite previously trying to date her. To me, those aren’t appropriate terms coming from someone with that history. When I told her it made me uncomfortable, she shared our disagreement with him. His response was to essentially call me a “sensitive bitch” and imply I was insecure. What bothered me even more was that she continued talking to someone who had openly disrespected me. I told her that, regardless of whether she agreed with me, I thought staying friends with someone who insults your partner is disrespectful to the relationship. She agreed and blocked him. Later, without discussing it with me, she unblocked him. Then, on Valentine’s Day, he sent her a cutesy “You’re a 10 out of 10” Valentine message. As far as I know, she didn’t encourage it, but because he’d been unblocked, he still had access to her and still refers to her as “hun.” For me, the issue isn’t about controlling who she can talk to. It’s that she agreed someone had crossed a line badly enough to block him, then later reversed that decision without telling me. Combined with his previous romantic interest, the pet names, the Valentine’s message, and the fact that he openly insulted me, it feels like my concerns weren’t respected. Am I being unreasonable for feeling that unblocking someone who pursued her, continues calling her “hun,” disrespected me, and still sends her messages crosses a boundary? Or would most people expect their partner to maintain that boundary once it had already been established?
